All in My Head
by JustWrite JustLove
Summary: “How am I suppose to be a father when my own never taught me how?”


**A/N: So I was sitting writing my Brucas story when I typed Lucas saying this to Haley and I was inspired by what he was saying to use it for BJu not Lucas', hehe. **

**Summary: "How am I suppose to be a father when my own never taught me how?"**

**Dedication: My ladies at Fanforum, for 50 threads.**

**I don't own anything, except Andrew and Lila and Jake.**

_It's All in My Head_

He knew she could tell, from the moment she told him, that something wasn't right. Each day that went on, her stomach was a constant reminder that he would soon a father. He knew she would be great, just like she was her God-Children and Sam. Would he be a good father? Probably not, it's not like he ever had someone there to hold his hand and teach him.

Julian Baker watches as his wife of five months rubs her stomach while sitting on their bed. She doesn't know what goes on his head and maybe that's okay.

"Julian! Julian!" She's practically screaming and Julian runs into the room.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" From the tone of his voice, she knew he was freaked out.

"The baby is kicking! Oh Julian, it's kicking so hard. Come here and feel." Julian feels himself freeze. Feel her stomach? His child was kicking?

"Julian, come here. It's our baby." Brooke softly tells him. Brooke hopes that he'll come over, but Julian still doesn't move. Slowly, Brooke gets up and walks to him. The baby is still kicking and she puts his hand on her belly. Julian's couldn't help smirk. He puts his free hand on her face and slowly moves it across her cheek, tenderly.

"You need to go see him." Brooke tells him, while his hand is still place on her stomach.

"Who?"

"Your dad."

Julian pulls his hand off her stomach and goes to fit on the bed. He knows she's right.

"Okay." He agrees.

-----

The mansion is large, extremely large. The driveway is made out of stone imported from the heart of Italy. There are three SUVs and four Porsches sitting in the front. Julian couldn't help but take a moment and walk around the drive way, stopping at certain spots that he remembered a change.

"That's where you took your first steps." Her voice is calm and full of love.

"Hi mom." Julian walks over to his mother and gives her a warm hug.

"How's Brooke? Is she handling the pregnancy well?" Julian nodded and smiled. His mother was a caring woman, who fell in the love with the man before the money and the fame.

When his mother and father first moved to L.A, they lived out of a car and had so much debt from the move that even food was costing. At the time, when his father got his first big break, his mother was so happy. The sad thing was, the success drove them apart and his mother, Lila, into rehab on and off for the majority of his teenaged years. These trips caused the court to title Lila an unfit mother and leaving Julian with his father.

Thankfully, it had been over five years since Lila had a drink and Julian was happy to have his mother back.

"What are you doing here Julian? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see you but you have a wife whose pregnant back at home." Julian doesn't say anything. Instead, he walks around the living room and looks back at his mom with a small smile.

"Are you nervous?" Julian sits down on the couch, with his head down in his hands.

"How am I suppose to be a father, when my own never taught me how?" Julian asks, looking Lila straight in the eye.

"Oh Julian. You're going to be a great father. Brooke's mother wasn't there."

"She's there now Mom."

No one says anything for a while. Lila is trying so hard to find the right words to tell her son, but there's nothing.

"The baby kicked the other day and I…" Julian bites his nail and looks down, continuing. "…I couldn't move. She had to come to me and when I felt it. It wasn't like, 'oh my gosh that's my baby'. It was like, I wanted to run but my legs couldn't move."

"Julian…"

"I love Brooke so much. I feel so terrible." Julian sighs and then licks his lips to continue, "She told me to go see dad. But what could he say that could possibly help me become a father, not just any father, a good father, because Brooke's going to be an amazing mother… she already is."

"Ask him why." Lila's words to any regular person are just three letters, but Julian Baker those words lifted his head and changed his thought.

"He lives in Pacific Palisades, 18200 is his address. Go see him and find your peace or whatever you're looking for because Brooke needs her husband and that baby needs a daddy." Julian nods and gets up, walking to the door. Lila is behind him and hugs him before he makes his exit.

"Julian," She starts, proudly smiling at him, "don't ever doubt for a second that you won't be a great father."

Julian sends her a small grin back and walks out the gate towards his vehicle.

The car ride to the Palisades is quiet, Julian decides against playing any music because it might cause him to act with no thought.

Finally, Julian arrives to 18200 and his jaw drops. His childhood home was amazing, but this place. There were no words, it was extravagant.

This time, Julian doesn't know the keypad so he rings the butler, whom he's never, met, and informs him that he is Andrew's son. Once let into the house, Julian tries not to look too amazed or even jealous. The butler leads Julian to a large office where he sees his father sitting on a leather chair, writing.

His father, Andrew, looks up and he seems surprised but not enough that Andrew would be happy to see him.

"Son, what's the reason for your visit?" Straight to the point and harsh, Julian clinches his fist and walks into the room a little more.

"Why? Why were you such a terrible father?" If Andrew thought Julian would be the same afraid, nervous child that he was in teens and early-adult years, he was wrong.

"What are you talking about? Son, come and have a drink." Andrew finishes his sentence with a smug laugh.

"When I won the Math Championship, you didn't come instead you went to Jake's football game. You picked him over me. When I sprained my knee in gym class you told me I was weak. When Jake broke his ankle playing football, you spent everyday after school with him at the gym. When I found mom lying on the ground, almost dead from all the drugs, the day after she caught you cheating on her with that thing, you went and got engaged to that thing. When I told you that I wanted to a guitarist you said the only people who would listen to me were ones that needed something to listen too but had no money so they would spend $3.99 on my CD in the failed music section. Lastly, when I told you I wanted to become a producer, you told me I couldn't do anything successfully without your help. Now, I've come to you and I want to know, why… why were you such a terrible father?"

Andrew doesn't say anything, but his face is filled with fiery and revenge. Julian meets his glare and glares back.

"You're so disrespectful." Andrew tells Julian, with a cold harsh voice that doesn't shake.

Julian chooses to ignore him and smiles.

"You know, I've got a wife at home, Brooke Davis, you might know her. She's four and half months pregnant with our baby. She's become even more beautiful. Except, when I look at her stomach, I feel like a failure already. I'm so worried I'm going to be a bad father… like you. But you know what? I'm going to be a good father, because you were such a terrible one. So instead of trying to be more like you, I'm going to do everything that is un-like you because that'll make me a good father, maybe not great. But I don't have to be great. I just want to be good."

Andrew doesn't say anything. For the first time, Julian doesn't feel like he has this huge weight on his shoulders. He doesn't have to reach up to anyone's expectations, just his own.

Julian turns to leave but he knows there is something that has to be said.

"I hate you and I never want to speak to you again."

Slamming the door shut, Julian pulls out his phone and calls the airline for the closest flight back to Tree Hill.

--------

Six and half hours later Julian pulls up at a familiar home with a small smile on his face. Pulling his keys out and grabbing his bag, Julian opens the red door and turns on the front light. He drops his bag and quietly walks upstairs to their bedroom.

Brooke's asleep in his T-shirt and her baby bump has grown and is noticeable. Julian stops and looks the sleeping girl and smiles.

He crawls into bed, next to her and Brooke moves to face him face to face. She's still asleep but probably knows he's there. His hand ends up her stomach and he rubs it.

"I love you baby." He whispers, kissing Brooke's stomach softly. Next, he kisses Brooke's forehead.

"I love you Brooke."

Julian gets out of the bed and begins to walk out of the room.

"We love you too Julian Baker." Brooke sleepily says.

"Me too." He replies back, walking out of the room.

_I'm going to be a good dad. _

**A/N: I'm finished. This is probably the longest one-shot I have ever written. BJu are so inspirational. Please read and reply! Leave me your thoughts!**


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